Pour The Champagne
by plzbeminearchie1991
Summary: Bella Swan is an assistant for the gorgeous, bullheaded Edward Cullen. What's on her agenda? Finding him a new girlfriend. Full Summary inside. AH/OOC ExB rated for lemons, alcohol & potty mouths
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own Twilight.**

**Full Summary:**

**Bella Swan is an assistant for the gorgeous, bullheaded Edward Cullen. What's on _her _agenda? Finding him a new girlfriend. What happens when she sets him up with Victoria, a flaming redhead? When she begs him to fire Bella, can he do it? Can he fire his only assistant he hasn't slept with?  
**

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**BPOV**

I brushed my wet hair out of my face as I applied some of the new mac makeup Alice 'gave' me. When I mean 'gave', I mean bought for me against my will. I quickly applied some tinted moisturizer under my eyes, evidence of sleep loss, and mascara. After coming out most of the knots in my chestnut colored hair, I blowdried it and pulled my hair into a loose chignon, pinning it up with my favorite floral hair clip.

I walked over to my closet, choosing my outfit for work. I picked out a simple Burberry skirt and a Juicy Couture sleeveless silk top. I quickly slipped on the clothes and mary jane heels. I heard my phone buzz and I picked it up.

"Bella," I said in a monotonous tone.

"_Ms. Swan,_" I heard the velvety voice say. My knees almost gave out.

"Y-Yes, Mr. Cullen?" I stuttered. Damn him for his charming voice.

_Please ask me out,_ The desperate voice in my head screamed.

"I almost forgot, I need my coffee today. Tanya came in late. Would you please get me a black coffee on your way to work?" He asked.

I groaned internally.

"Of _course_, Mr. Cullen," I said through gritted teeth.

"Thank you," He said briskly before hanging up.

Of course. He'd want _coffee _from me. Story of my life.

I grabbed my leather satchel bag and slipped on my aviators, yet two other gifts from Alice. I locked my apartment and stepped out into the streets of 5th Avenue. I found a quaint little coffee shop and ordered one black coffee for Edward and a cappuccino for myself.

I juggled both coffees in my hand as I crossed the streets to Cullen Enterprises.

"Good morning, Bells," The secretary, Tanya, greeted me. We were good friends, and we met up with a bunch of people weekly for some fun out in the clubs.

"Morning Tanya," I gave her a small smile. I slid her the black coffee. "Make sure Edward get this."

"What is this, casual Friday?!" I heard the voice of Alice behind me.

"Hey, this is _not _the hillbilly look," I argued, looking over my outfit. _She _gave me the clothes, anyway.

Alice just gave a light giggle as her stilettos clacked.

"Nah, I'll let it go," She said with another giggle. Alice was co-owner of Cullen Enterprises, because she was Edward's little sister. Not to mention that she monitors my fashion choices for work on a daily basis.

"Sooo....what's on my agenda for today? Other than getting coffee for the wise one?" I asked jokingly to Tanya.

"Hm....nothing I know about yet," Tanya replied after skimming through her files. "Ali, did you know that Edward and Bella went to the same high school back in the day?"

Alice was living with her aunt and uncle at the time, since Edward's parents agreed to let her live here in the big apple for fresh ideas for fashion.

"Really? And he hasn't noticed?" She asked, staring pointedly at me.

Okay, maybe I had an eensy weesny crush on him since the 10th grade, but no biggie. He's moved onto bigger things; like asking me for coffee.

"Um, no," I said before scurrying to the conveniently open elevator. I sighed, thanking god that no one else was inside to witness me hyperventilating. I smoothed the few stray strands from my face and applied my MAC lustreglass lipgloss in my favorite peachy color. Smacking my lips together, I straightened out the buttons of my dress and made sure there was no gum on my shoe.

The elevator opened, and I could hear the sound of papers ruffling and printing machines. Ah, work. I waved to Angela, an old college buddy of mine. Jessica was next to her, scowling in my direction. I've gotten used to it, since she's been giving me that look since I got landed in her dorm instead of Angela's. Naturally, Jessica slept her way to the top, earning a position as a corporate.

I opened the door to my office, swinging the door shut, and tossing my bag carelessly on the floor. I took a long sip from my cappuccino.

"Bella?"

I sighed, relieved it was only Emmett.

I scrambled, getting my bag off the floor and my desk uncluttered.

"Bella? Can I come in?" He asked again.

"Oh, um yes! Come in!" I said lamely. Emmett smiled and gave me a huge bear hug, squishing me against his chest.

He gave me a small tentative smile.

"I have your agenda for this week," He said. Ugh, why couldn't it be a Friday?

"Oh, I'll get right on it," I said, rolling my eyes. He gave me the leather-bound book.

"Good luck," He said, giving me a little wave.

My brows furrowed in confusion. Good luck? Why would I need good luck?

And there I read it, in Edward's elegant script:

_Find me a girlfriend._

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**Review if you want me to continue this :]  
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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight**

**Thankyou soooooo much to everyone who reviewed this story! I hope you'll stick around =].**

**FYI: Tanya will NOT be a villain in this story! Victoria on the other hand...  
**

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**BPOV**

I sat there, staring at my agenda. I read that one sentence over and over.

_Find me a girlfriend._

He can't do that himself?! I really am a lapdog, aren't I? First coffee runs, now I have to go out on _dates_ for him?!

Deciding that I need to vent, I picked up my cappuccino and agenda and stalked to Alice's office.

"Alice, I hope you're not with anyone because you're about to deal with a pissed off Bella," I warned as I banged my fist on her door.

"No one's here except Angie, if you don't mind!" I heard her say. I opened the door to find Alice and Angela eating cinnamon rolls and sipping coffee.

"Hungry?" Angela offered, holding up a cinnamon roll. I smiled and took the sticky sweet bread and took a huge bite.

"Whoa, slow down," Alice said. "Now, what has Bella all hot and bothered?"

"Firstly, I am _not _hot and bothered. And second, take a look at this shit," I said, tossing her my leather-bound book.

Both Alice and Angela's mouths dropped as they read the sentence.

"Holy..." Angela started.

"Fuck," Alice finished.

"Yup," I said before taking another bite out of the sticky sweet bun.

"He can't possibly make you do this!" Angela cried out.

"That's it. We need girl talk. Now," Alice announced before taking out her blackberry.

A few minutes later, Tanya and Rose were up in Alice's office with us, snacking on the cinnamon buns.

"So...what's the news that was cinnamon-bun worthy?" Tanya asked.

Alice looked over to me, and I nodded. She tossed Tanya and Rosalie my agenda and told them to read it.

Their mouths dropped open, and much like Alice and Angela, they started cursing out our boss.

"He can't do that to you!" Rosalie said, outraged. "That son of a--"

"Hey, you know he's down the hall, right?" I interrupted. Rosalie's livid expression calmed as she took a sip of her iced latte.

"Still, he can't pay you to do this shit," Tanya argued.

"That's what I get paid for. To get coffee and do shit like this," I gestured to my agenda.

"Hey, Ali I was wondering if you can-"

We all turned around to see Emmett, holding the door in one hand, a folder full of papers in the other.

"Ooh! Sticky buns!" He said, dropping the folder on the table and grabbing a cinnamon bun.

"Uh, come in?" Alice asked sarcastically.

"Already in," He answered before biting into the bun. "Having a little party without the Emmett?"

"Nope. We were having some quality time together," Alice explained. Emmett's face was blank.

"Girl talk," I said. Emmett just shrugged and continued eating.

"Bells, maybe Emmett can help you with your 'assignment'," Tanya chimed in.

"Ohhhhh, so _this _is what you're talking about," Emmett said, taking the agenda from Tanya's hands. "Lemme tell you. Not. Easy."

"I kinda figured that since he's having his lapdog do it for him," Rosalie said. "No offense, Bella."

"None taken," I muttered. "Will any of you girls like to help me with doing the honors of being his girlfriend?"

"HELL NO!" Was all I heard.

"I already went through that," Tanya said, wrinkling her nose. "Not happening again."

"Rose? Angela? Alice?" I asked.

"Taken," Angela said.

"I think I'm gonna be single for awhile," Rosalie said, leaning back in her chair.

"And I'm busy pursuing your best friend," Alice said, referring to Jasper.

"Why don't _you _do it, Bells?" Emmett asked.

The room was silent.

"I-I don't think so," I said, sipping my cappuccino.

"But I thought you liked-" Alice started before I slapped my hand over her freshly glossed mouth.

"Eh? Like? You like my little brother?" Emmett asked dumbly. He pulled me into another bear hug.

"My itty bitty Belly Jelly wuuuuuuuvvvvves ickle Wardo?" He teased, ruffling up my hair.

"No," I muttered. "In high school, yes. Not now."

_Liar, _My brain accused.

_Shut up._

"Put him up on one of those dating websites," Angela suggested.

"Those websites are just full of pedophiles and molesters," Alice countered.

"Why not set him up with Jess? She's more willing than anyone I know," Rose said.

"Nah, he already knows she's just a whore," Emmett said.

"Maybe he's gay?" Rose tried again.

"We've contemplated over that for awhile," Emmett said, gesturing to Alice, then to himself. "But since Tanya and him dated, we don't think that's it."

"You see, you have to find someone who'll be witty; show him who's boss," Tanya explained.

I nodded, a twinge of jealousy erupt through me thinking of Edward out with another girl. Tanya was a different story. She didn't know how to say no to her boss. Day after day, she'd vent to me about how annoying he was, thus leading to them breaking off.

"So what your saying is I have to find him someone who's witty, smart, and who'll show him who wears the pants?" I asked. "I have to do that in one week?"

"You basically described yourself," Rosalie chimed in.

"Yeah. Remember when you and Jazz used to go out? He was in bad shape for the first few weeks," Emmett said, recalling to my brief relationship with Jazz, who was more into spoiling a girl instead of treating her like an equal.

"I wasn't the princess type. I don't like being babied," I shrugged.

"Why don't we have fun with Eddie a little?" Emmett suggested.

"Like how?" I asked.

"Y'know. Set him up with some bitches or something for a bit, fuck with him a little," He suggested.

"Why would you wanna fuck around with him? He's you're boss," I pointed out.

"He's too uptight for his own good," Tanya chimed in.

"So, I'll set him up with a hooker, and let him take it from there?" I asked, cocking and eyebrow.

"Not a hooker necessarily," Alice said.

"I know this girl, Lauren," Angela offered. "Total snob. And she'd do anyone with a dick."

I nodded, penciling her in for Friday.

"And this other girl, Carmela," Emmett sighed. "Best fuck ever."

"Too much info," I said, wrinkling my nose. "Besides, I don't think he wants your leftovers."

"Set him up with bitches until you find a nice gal," Rose suggested. I nodded, writing it down in my agenda.

"'Kay. So I have one blind date for Thursday night, another for Friday then no dates during the weekend. Hamptons to promote the children's benefits program," I said, penciling in the dates.

"Whoa, you already know another bitch?" Emmett asked.

"Yep. Kristina. She's my neighbor," I answered.

"I still think that you ask him out. You know, for Starbucks or something," Alice said, a hopeful glint in her eye.

"What if it doesn't work out? What if he fires me or something?!" I exclaimed.

"Now why would I fire you, Ms. Swan?"

We all froze. There was Edward, standing by the doorway. My breath caught as my eyes traveled down his Armani suit, his coppery sex hair wildly out of place, his green eyes piercing through mine.

"Um, nothing. I...was just telling everyone...," I thought off the top of my head. "...when I was in...in..."

"College!" Alice burst out. "She was telling us how her manager at the...diner she worked used to hit on her all the time! Mike, right?"

"Y-Yeah!" I said, nodding for emphasis.

He just stood there, a confused expression on his face.

"Well, I assure you that I wouldn't fire you for a silly mishap like that," He said, composing himself.

I sighed. Tanya rolled her eyes giving me a _'what a fucking idiot' _look.

"Aaaand, Bella would like to ask you--," Tanya started before I stuffed a cinnamon bun in her mouth.

"Would like to ask me what?" He asked, turning to me.

"Uhm, about your coffee!" I said. "Was it okay?"

"Um, yeah," He said, his brow furrowing. "Ms. Swan, please refrain of drinking before coming to work, alright?"

My mouth dropped.

How dare he accuse me of being drunk!

"Um, of course!" Was all I could manage out.

"Wardo, why'd you come here in the first place?" Emmett asked, standing up.

_God bless him!_

"Em, you know I hate that name. Actually, I came here looking for all of my employees!" Edward answered, his brows raising as he saw the coffee and sticky buns. "It looks like I found them."

"Er, we'll be on our way," Tanya and Angela muttered, grabbing their food and coffee before scurrying out.

"Now, Alice, Emmett, you have a conference with Uley & Black Company in fifteen minutes. Ms. Swan, I'll need you for the rest of the day," He said.

Emmett and Alice grabbed their folders before shuffling out.

"Ms. Swan, I'll need some help planning this week's activities," He said, gesturing to the door.

I bit my lip when he said 'activities'.

_Stop it! You know he means conferences!_

I reapplied some lip gloss, helping me regain focus.

_Work. Must work. Not crush on boss..._

I followed him to his office, my head down as I sank into the chair in front of his desk.

"I'll need you to fax Peter and Charlotte," He started. I nodded as I wrote it down in my tiny notebook.

"Make sure the venue is set for our ball," He continued. "Make sure the guest list is confirmed, and R.S.V.P's are sent out soon."

I nodded, writing it all down, still not looking up.

_Must not look up. Must not turn to jelly..._

"...The luncheon for the children's benefits will be on July 23rd, 12:30 at the Gala. The hotel reservations in the Hamptons... Let's see, what else?"

I heard him shuffle through papers.

"Ah, and that assignment I gave you."

I rose my head slowly, meeting his eyes.

"Yes, erm I don't usually do this with my assistants but--"

I raised one hand for him to stop.

"It's fine, Mr. Cullen. I'll get right to it," I said, biting my lip. I leaned in. "Just wondering, do you like brunettes?"

**EPOV**

"Just wondering, do you like brunettes?"

I raised my eyebrows, startled by her forwardness. I bit my lip, trying to look away from the delicious cleavage omitted when she leaned in.

"Found my match so soon, huh?" I joked dryly.

_Yes,_ I wanted to say. _You._

But I knew I could never be with her. Think of the shame it would bring to her and I, people finding out that we were dating. They'll think she slept to the top, and I'd be accused of offering a girlfriend a job.

Nope. It can't happen.

"Well, I know some people, and I can pull some strings for a blind date this Thursday and Friday," She explained. "And if you happen to like her, well then one of my assignments are done for the week."

"And if I _don't _like her?" I asked.

"I'll look for someone else," She stated simply.

I nodded my head.

"Well, you should get to work," I said icily, looking away. "Be sure you're packed for Long Island as well. I don't have a date yet, so until my blind dates, you'll be posing as my companion for the evening events."

"Of course," I heard her sweet voice say. "I'll be going now."

I heard the shuffle of her stilettos and I sighed, looking at my 'problem.'

Heh. Ten in the morning and I'm already pitching a tent in my pants.

**BPOV **

I took a few deep breaths as I walked back to my office. He'd never spoken to me like that before. His tone was always warm, not bitter and cold like today. I swung open my door, finding Alice perched on the windowsill.

She heard me come in, and walked to my chair.

"Bells, why are you doing this?" She asked.

"Doing what?"

"Setting him up with a bunch of two-faced bitches. Why can't you just accept the fact that he actually might be into you?" She explained.

"It would be very unprofessional," I said. "I-I can't. I don't have the guts to ask him out."

"But still, it won't hurt," She shrugged.

I gave her the stink eye.

"Gah! Don't look at me like that! Maybe a bit of awkwardness, but still, it couldn't hurt," She tried.

"I can't risk losing my job. It's either this or Trader Joe's," I said. "Besides, even though I like him, he _doesn't _like me! He even said so in the fourth grade!"

Alice let out a humorless laugh. "What do you mean?"

"I was transferred into Forks Elementary, I think you were in some prissy all-girl academy. No one would be my friend. They all called me 'ugly Swan'. Edward was in my class. I passed him a note asking him to be my friend. In recess, he said I was just an ugly duckling," I explained.

"Bells, you can't possibly take that seriously," Alice tried again. "He was in the fourth grade! He thought girls had cooties!"

"It still hurt," I mumbled, folding my arms like a stubborn child.

Alice laughed and wrapped her arms around me.

"You know what? You have grown into a beautiful Swan," She mumbled.

"Thanks," I said.

"Now, I'm treating for lunch," She announced. "At the Dawn."

I smiled. "How'd you get the reservations? It takes weeks to get."

"I know a guy," She said mysteriously. "So turn that frown upside down, girl!"

I grinned as she waved goodbye. My grin soon faded as I sized up the huge pile of files on my desk.

It was the beginning of a long two hours.

******

**R&R please! I wrote this all while drinking mocha frapps and eating twizzlers!  
**


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